


Sickness, Insults, and Sarcasm

by playout, PrinnPrick



Series: Love (and) Letters [16]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Epistolary, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Sass, indicated sexual content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:53:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8118844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/playout/pseuds/playout, https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinnPrick/pseuds/PrinnPrick
Summary: Just what the tags and title say: Harry is pretty sick, but too stubborn to realize his health should come first (or rather, Draco's health).





	

**Author's Note:**

> THIS DOES HAVE A FULL PART TWO! To be uploaded next. And it is smutty and adorbz. ×PrinnPrick

Dear Potter,

If you _dare_ to come to work while still carrying that flu around I will personally strangle you with your own hideously red scarf! I cannot afford you infecting my person with your germs due to some idiotic notion that one must continue their duties no matter the cost as I, for one, am not willing to pay for your reckless work ethic!

Enclosed are a dust mask for when you cough, some Forever Ice Cubes for your fever and throat, and detailed instruction for decontaminating your home and person. I have already sanitized the office.

Do not test me, Hero Boy,  
DM

*****

Dear Malfoy,

Your concern is truly touching. 

(That was sarcasm.)

I'll be fine by Monday. I've been taking my potions according to the directions and I've been resting in bed all weekend and I'm feeling loads better than last Friday when I sicked up on your shoes. (Sorry again for that, by the way. Just send me the bill for the new ones when you get them.)

I'm sure you're missing me to bits. Never fear, darling, I'll be back by your side before you know it. 

Harry

*****

Dear Potter,

Oh, my sweet pumpkin juice, without your powerful aura around me I am naught but a boat lost at sea.

(That, too, was sarcasm. And it should be read while envisioning my normally hansom face wearing a scowl.)

If Monday comes and you so much as clear your throat I will bind you faster than you can blink and shove you right through the floo back home! _Do not come in unless you are one-hundred percent healthy._

On top of all the other miseries being sick brings (including that disgusting display you just _had_ to remind me of), I don't look particularly nice while wearing Flu Green, capiche? For you it doesn't matter, but I have far more dignity.

DM

P.S. Your desk is surprisingly clean and organized, despite its surface indicating otherwise. Bully for you!

*****

Come off it, Malfoy. I've got heaps of paperwork to catch up on. And Robards wanted my arrest report last week. I can't afford to miss another day. So what if I'm still a bit feverish and queasy? I'll keep to my side of the office and quarantine the germs. It's not like we're going to be snogging or anything. Just don't drink from my teacup and you should be fine. 

Harry

P.S. I promise to aim the other direction if I feel vomit coming on.

*****

Dear Potter,

No need. I took care of your reports just this morning, as I had all _my_ paperwork done. On time. In an orderly fashion. And I even double checked my efforts and wrote with readable precision versus your terrible chicken scratch. 

So, no need to come in! Stay at home, I mean it. Besides, despite his apparent bravado, Robards would never actually fire you. You're practically our poster boy, or perhaps a mascot? Either way, you're popular, important, and still the best--he's an arse, not an idiot.

DM

*****

Dear Malfoy,

You're being so nice to me, it kinda makes me think I should get sick more often! 

Except that no. This is miserable. My head hurts. My body hurts. ...Actually, my _everything_ hurts. And I'm tired of being in bed. I just want to be back to my usual self. I miss work. Hell, I even miss you! (That's how you know the fever's gotten to me.)

But I will stay another day. It's the least I can do after all you've done for me. I will beat this bug yet. 

Harry

*****

Potter,

You will stay _a week_ if necessary! And be certain to take your vitamins. Are you getting low on medicine or food? I doubt your cupboards are well stocked considering your abysmal dieting habits at work. I'll send soup with a separate owl--don't ask the contents, but let us say it works best for nausea and headaches. 

I admit, I'm bored now without you around. We've had a heavy load this weekend, but I am not allowed to leave the confides of the office alone... So they have me on desk duty performing inane acts such as double checking spelling of others' reports or taking phone calls for everyone in the department, including the idiots downstairs. Don't we have a few secretaries for this?

Just get better soon. I would happily suffer even the bludgeoned mess you call a face again if only to do _something._ Though I have gained a better appreciation for the men and women at the call desk.

DM

*****

Dear Malfoy,

Your version of caring comes with a tremendous amount of insults. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Thank you anyway for the soup. It was tasty and helped, like you said (though I'm a little afraid of what I might have just ingested without my knowledge). 

I'm following all the Healers' orders, yours included. Hopefully I'll be back soon so we can both stop staring at the same four walls.

Harry

P. S. At least you've gained a bit of humility and perspective from this ordeal. Really, though, I'd rather you be the same insufferable prat and for the contents of my stomach to stay there.

*****

Dear Potter,

Aww, Darling, do you not want me to change? You love me for who I am and all that rot? How sweet! Never fear, your favorite person in all the world will remain as sophisticated and charming as he always was upon your return.

I've properly cleaned your desk so we should have plenty of room to shag there once you're better. I refuse to get any foreign fluids on mine.

Enclosed is a picture of myself with a pose you may find rather familiar so that you might not pine away unto death without me.

Cheers,  
DM

*****

Malfoy,

It might just be the illness talking, and I'm pretty sure you were being your usual sarcastic self, but I am definitely not opposed to the idea of fucking you into a desk. Mine will do. I'm not picky. 

Harry

*****

Potter,

Excuse me? Yes, I was being a bit playful, but I wouldn't say no to such a... Collaboration between partners. I just wasn't expecting that kind of response, considering our history (even with all the nice things you've said about me in these exchanges.) Perhaps you're sicker than you think? 

Get better first and we'll discuss it when you're in your right mind again.

DM

P.S. I wasn't kidding about not wanting foreign fluids on my desk, though. Absolutely no play anywhere on my side of the office.

*****

Dear Malfoy,

I've included a picture of my own. As you can see, I am still quite bed-ridden, but perhaps you can stop nursing me from the sidelines and come play doctor instead. The wards are open to you. 

Harry

*****

Potter,

I doubt you should be doing such things while sick. Can't be good for you, though what you have and how you handle it is admittedly impressive. 

I'll be over shortly to take over the task for you so you can rest.

And if I get sick I expect proper care in return!

DM


End file.
